Hope you all find your big, gigantic drum kit during today’s Freaks & Geeks and Out There marathon.
I remember slowly skipping every other step
hoping that I would run into you on the fourth floor
on a tuesday or thursday afternoon.
I didn’t know it then, but that smile kept me coming back.
I scored yr digits and texted you on my shitty phone
that was by no means “smart”, but you were.
I liked that about you. I always have and I always will.
You keep my cogs turning and remind me that I’m not just another.
Windy beach days remind me of the sand-blasting we endured
to be alone together. In the dunes we jived, we really did.
Plan B: We ditch this hole and find another,
If someone comes by we just act like nothing happened.
We were lucky we were down-wind on that night.
We were lying on anthills and suffocating colonies in the earth
and you asked if I loved you. I said “I think so”, but I really meant
“YES I LOVE YOU OKAY I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU A LOT
BUT I’M SCARED AND I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
AND THE THINGS I LOVE SEEM TO DIE OR GO AWAY AND I REALLY
JUST WANT TO BE BY YOUR SIDE FOR THE REST OF FOREVER”.
one of my all-time favorites.
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
After you who’s last? It’s DOOM, he’s the worst known.”
- MF DOOM
Quasimoto - Am I Confused
This is from Madlib’s new album Yessir Whatever, which is set to be released June 18th. Yessir Whatever is a collection of 12-tracks made by Madlib and his alter ego Quasimoto over a roughly 12-year period. It’s about to be a collectors item, just you watch. This is one of my favorite songs off the album. Completely unique abstract hip-hop only a yellow brick slinging womanizer could provide. Lord Quas’s music is a genre of its own.
Conor: Yeah. Depression’s been something I’ve struggled with my whole life. When I was a kid I was more of a thoughtful, sensitive type of kid and then in junior high I kind of left childhood and it started to hit me. Since then it’s not miserable all the time but it’s definitely something I’ve had to deal with. I’ve taken my fair share of anti-depressants and stuff like that. It’s definitely something that I go through periods of time where it’s better or worse.
Q: So how old are you now?
Conor: I’m twenty.
Q: How does depression affect your outlook on life?
Conor: It colors everything. It’s definitely a sickness. When it’s there and it’s having its way with you it affects the way you look at things. And things that you should be more excited about you’re not and you can’t help it. It’s a huge part of my creative energies. They tend to go down that path which sometimes frustrates me because I hate to feel like I’m bringing people down or the bearer of bad news but at the same time I try not to plan out my songs too much. They sort of just happen in my head and if they stick around long enough I know I should just write them down.
Q: How has your depression affected your songwriting over the past couple of albums and the past couple of years?
Conor: I dunno. It’s definitely affected my life a lot so the type of things that end up coming out of my mouth tend to have that negative slant to them. I guess sometimes a happier song will sneak out and I’m always glad when it does. When I’m not depressed and I have the energy to be happy and do things, I usually don’t spend that time sitting in my room, playing guitar. I’m usually out doing stuff.
Q: Like what kind of stuff?
Conor: You know, just having fun. I don’t know.
Q: Getting drunk?
Conor: Yeah. Exactly. I guess the times when I get really down is when I get more introspective and I want to be by myself and I usually turn to my piano or guitar in order to find some kind of consolation in everything. Maybe if I did spend more time on music when I was in up times then maybe I’d get some more up songs.
Q: Some more rock songs maybe?
Q: Well I like the stuff on Fevers and Mirrors so I’m not gonna complain. Do you find that school played a part in your depression?
Conor: My schooling did play a role but it wasn’t so much socially feeling outcast from my peers because I never really cared too much about that. I went to Catholic schools all my life and my departure from believing that I was a special individual created by God with a purpose in the universe and on my way to heaven and then realizing that I’m just a fucking molecule floating in the air played a big part. It just doesn’t matter.
Q: So what kind of anti-depressants are you on? You on anything right now?
Conor: No, I fuckin kicked the habit, man.
Q: Did you do it on your own or did your doctor take you off?
Conor: No, I took myself off. In January I guess. It was really bad. The last one I was taking was Prozac and I was taking big doses of it and I couldn’t remember like forty percent of the nights I was living because they tell you not to drink but that’s not really an option. So it came down to the point where you either need to not drink or you need to stop doing this because I had some pretty fucked up things happen. I passed out while we were playing once in Santa Cruz. We played four songs and then I just started laughing a lot and then I fell over on the drum set. Everyone was just standing there like, “Is this some sort of joke?” expecting me to get up and then after a few minutes they were like “Show’s over!” Then this really kind girl picked me up. It was this house show in an apartment complex and she lived in a different apartment than where the show was going on. It was really scary because one moment I was up at the mic singing and the next moment it was four in the morning and I woke up in this strange bed. It was really fucked up, too, because her apartment was identical but the exact opposite of the apartment that the show was in so I woke up and I couldn’t figure out what the fuck happened. I had a couple of scary things like that happen and so I decided to stop. I can see the parts where it was helping me, but at least with that drug, the negatives were far worse than the positives and I’ve been doing pretty good. I’ve been keeping busy and change of scenery can do a lot.
Q: I guess I just find mental illness to be a very interesting and unfortunate subject.
Conor: Yeah, it’s totally interesting. Playing the type of music I’m playing and traveling all the time, fuck, I mean the typical Bright Eyes fan that flocks over to talk to you is usually pretty fucked up somehow. So I’m doing a lot of case studies on people.
Q: What gets you through your days when you’re depressed?
Conor: I suppose what gets me through the days are my friends. Like when I’m sitting staring off into space they can say something to make me laugh or punch me in the arm and say “fucking snap out of it.” As far as looking up to people, there are lots of musicians and authors that make me say, “Wow, that’s something that I was thinking but I never knew how to say it and it’s right there.” I think that’s why art and subjects like this go hand in hand so much. It’s a way to console each other. To reach some kind of understanding.